White Room Story
by Saiyan Angie
Summary: Through a set of freak coincidences, Mayuri's meddling, and a lot of unintended violence on Renji's part, something uncomfortable happens. Isolation dimensions aren't known for being very inviting. -Crackfiction's Finest?-


The White Room

Part One-Soul Society Is So Screwed

Renji Abarai was walking to the 4th Division to have someone examine his wrist, as well as to check on several people he accidentally incapacitated during a game of soccer that would go down in infamy. It was Renji who kicked the ball too hard in a pass at his unfortunate teammate, and, instead of reaching the poor girl's foot, it embedded itself in the side of her head, as if in slow motion. The recoil caused the unintended victim to fly several feet before ramming into another teammate, also on the head. Such was the incident that left both Rukia Kuchiki and Ichigo Kurosaki out of commission at the same time.

Immediately following the two's collision with the ground, the captain of their opposing team, who wasn't known for being… stable… began laughing his head off and pointing at the poor sods who were now sprawled out on the turf. Of course, Renji, who was feeling guilt at this point, wasn't fond of the laughing his accident had started. And, not being the most composed individual, he hit Ikkaku (who was the one laughing, by the way) in the face with the same soccer ball, starting a brawl that was ended when Byakuya entered the fray from the sidelines and indiscriminately "ended" the dispute.

Somehow, the only person left standing aside from Byakuya was a now incredibly nervous Renji. The redhead paled as Rukia's apathetic elder brother walked towards him.

"…So this was your fault, vice-captai.+

n?" the 6th Division captain asked, his voice hushed and foreboding. Renji gulped, trying to conceal the fear he just KNEW the older Kuchiki could smell.

"I-I didn't mean to! Seriously! It was accident!" Renji exclaimed, immediately on the defense while Byakuya slowly approached him.

"I assume you don't want your superior's finding out about this?"

Renji's eyes widened. He knew blackmail was on the horizon. Still, this was Byakuya, so he dared to hope.

"If that is the case, have fun taking all of them to the 4th Division alone." Byakuya gave a slight nod in the indicated direction, and promptly flash-stepped elsewhere, leaving the lone survivor to complete a task that would normally take an entire team. Shame that he destroyed his, really.

Needless to say, Renji had a very, very long day ahead of him. It wasn't about to get better, either. After he painstakingly dragged every one of his sorry teammates(and those opposing him) all the way across Soul Society while everybody looked on in curiosity, he ran into Hitsugaya Toushirou, captain of the 10th Division. The shinigami had heard all about what had happened, and took his time spectating on the roof of his office until he finally felt sorry for the one-man pack mule, and lent his hand(not literally).

During the next few hours, Renji unintentionally re-injured Ichigo, who had woken up at one point and yelled at Renji, who, instinctively, upon hearing his rival's voice, kicked him in the head. Negative karma was building in leaps and bounds. This would have been fine by Ichigo, as his position on the ground gave him a view he really didn't want. Such was the burden of wearing robes instead of pants.

Eventually, the rather large group of sport casualties arrived at 4th Division headquarters, causing Unohana Retsu to nearly choke to death on a cracker she had been eating when the group of eight appeared.

While looking them over, she asked for a detailed account of what had occurred. What she received was a bunch of nervous rambling from the 6th Division's vice captain. The woman almost pieced the situation together when the door suddenly burst open, revealing a monstrous figure and the sounds of a little girl giggling. The voice from the figure boomed like thunder.

"ICHIGO KUROSAKI!" Zaraki Kenpachi bellowed, spittle flying through the air. Unohana felt a migraine coming on.

_He had better be bleeding to death, or so help me-_ the healer turned around to find that Kenpachi, was, in fact, bleeding heavily from a wound she had stitched up a day prior. The poor woman's eye twitched.

"You tore your stitches, Kenpachi! Why do you always do this…? One of these days, I won't be able to fix you!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I can't believe you would be so reckless! What if something happened to y-"

_Blah, blah, blah…_ Kenpachi rolled his eyes. Did that woman ever shut up?

Ignoring her chastising, Kenpachi walked over to the bed that contained Ichigo. The man growled, cheated of his prey again, and prepared to storm out, only to be felled by Yachiru, who had been bought off by the healer with a single cherry lollipop. The large man fell to the floor with a 'THUD', and was soon confined to a bed in the infirmary.

The diagnosis for everyone involved in the soccer accident differed slightly. As it could be imagined, both Rukia and Ichigo had obtained head trauma, Ichigo's being the more severe (and baffling, as he had two different injuries). Ikkaku had a fractured jaw, and Kurotsuchi Mayuri had, it seemed, collapsed as the result of a mystery drug that he had, apparently concocted on his off-time. Nemu, Mayuri's artificial "daughter", would later inform Unohana of this and leave the compounded chemicals in her care.

The drug soon became a staple in treating Kenpachi, and would draw its name from Renji Abarai's hapless abuse of his comrades. The label would eventually read:

"_Abaracillin- You won't know what hit you. Use responsibly."_

Similarly, the mad scientist had also created a strange chemical stimulant in a pill that would cause ONLY Renji to become homicidally enraged for no apparent reason, dubbed "Renjia". The clipboard nearby suggested that it was on a trial run when the soccer incident occurred. Renji would be pleased to hear that the accident was not entirely his fault. In his relief, he slammed his fist into Hitsugaya's face, thus confining him to a bed as well. Unohana would have a nice long chat with Mayuri when he woke up, to be sure.

After Renji knocked out Ishida Uryu, who had been visiting, without any sort of provocation, he was asked to kindly step outside for awhile. As a result, the red-head spent the next few hours trying to avoid people, not realizing that he should stay away from buildings until too late. His wrist would suffer horribly after a wall proved to be more resilient than he was.

"AAAAAAAAUGH!" Renji screamed with the impact, all too aware that his wrist was no longer in one piece. So saying, his night got more interesting as he entered the infirmary. The drug that had been coursing through his system wore off, taking reality with it.

-insert random sound effect, probably a whooshing sound-

To the dismay of the patients in the infirmary, Renji's 'tripping' would take them along for the ride. Ichigo and Rukia, who were at this point conscious, could only watch in terror as the world around them faded away into blinding whiteness, their beds disintegrating into nothing, alerting them to the workings of gravity.

They fell for some time, and eventually landed in a heap on top of Byakuya, who had been filling out paperwork just as Renji's 'episode' occurred.

Byakuya felt something crack as he tried to escape the dogpile, eyes widened in horror.

"I would assume I was dreaming, and that Shunsui put something in my drink," Rukia's adoptive elder brother mused aloud,"-but the pain I am experiencing would lead to me to assume otherwise. I think I've broken something in my leg."

The shinigami's fears were seemingly confirmed when he felt something wet and warm pool on the back of the 'injured' limb. However, he was disturbed to find that his pen had been the casualty, and that Zaraki Kenpachi's drool had merged with the ink to play tricks on him. Somewhere in the pile, Renji laughed. He was silenced within seconds by his captain's basilisk-like glare.

After the conscious members of the dogpile came to their senses, they realized they were in a large white room. Something epic had begun, and everyone would grow to hate it.

Author's note: My friend wrote this with me. I needed a break from TBOO, as I wanted to see further into the manga before making any further decisions.


End file.
